1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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