Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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