I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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