these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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