p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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