Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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