im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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