I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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