Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My vagina is very pro this idea
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