What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
