we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
