I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
