So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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