This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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