girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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