Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
