It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
