Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i drank out of a bidet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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