so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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