How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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