how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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