I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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