dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
