I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
