I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
