Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
