I'm going to jail i love you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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