can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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