Will you blow on my dice?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
