NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
