I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
