HIV tests are more positive than that guy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
