garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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