What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
