i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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