There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
