my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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