He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
