I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
