really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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