non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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