It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
