Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
