I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
