I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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