The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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