i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
