What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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