This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
