Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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