Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
