I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
