How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
