he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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