All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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