the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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