Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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