worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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