OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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